That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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