recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize