She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
