Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
