I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize