shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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