Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
