if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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