A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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