If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
