Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
