Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
