dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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