you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
