So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
