You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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