Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
