When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
