The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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