I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
