we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
