No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
