did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize