Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
