Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
