Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
