I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
