Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
