So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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