all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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