So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
