If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
