is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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