I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
