Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
