Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
