After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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