I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
