We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize