Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
