Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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