I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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