"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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