so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
