I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
