Me too!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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