she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
