4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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