the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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