a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
