The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
