i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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