if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You took a bar mat shot.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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