NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
