it's too hot outside to masturbate.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
