Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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