Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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