I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
