i think my tv is drunk
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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