garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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