Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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