i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im holly from the hills drunk
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
