i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
