I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
