my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
