Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
